


Bright Was the Night Sky

by wakeupstiles



Series: Firefighter Raven, Paramedic Octavia [2]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: (someone jumps from a burning building), Alternate Universe - Firefighters, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Enjoy!, Established Relationship, F/F, Firefighter Raven Reyes, Firefighters, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Character Death, New Year's Eve, Paramedic Octavia Blake, Suicide, but it doesn't go into heavy detail, it's sad okay, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-01
Updated: 2016-01-01
Packaged: 2018-05-10 23:05:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5604322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wakeupstiles/pseuds/wakeupstiles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>New Year's Eve was dangerous. More dangerous than people actually knew.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bright Was the Night Sky

**Author's Note:**

> Sort of like the follow up to my xmas fic 'Silent Night'. You don't have to read that one, but there will be some references of that in this.
> 
> Here's the link to it just in case (it's short so): http://archiveofourown.org/works/5353940
> 
> Just like with before, the only firefighter/paramedic terminology/workings I know is from Chicago Fire, so please don't hold that against me.

She still didn’t know why it had affected her the way it did. She’d seen people die on the job numerous times. She’d tried to save countless lives, only for her efforts to be useless in the end. It came with the line of work she was in. She knew it would happen before she applied to the academy, before she became a candidate, before she became an actual firefighter. She knew she would lose people, she knew she would see unspeakable things.

_She knew._

And yet, this one had stuck with her, weighing her down like bricks were strapped to her back and limbs, trying with all its being to drown her.

It’d been five days since Christmas, five days since Raven failed to save Maya from that train collision. Five days, just five days, and she still didn’t know how to handle it. Silently, of course, internally, hidden from the rest of the House. She didn’t need to give any of them a reason to worry about her; they had enough of their own personal troubles to dwell over.

Some nights she’d wake up in a cold sweat, others she would be yanked awake by Octavia shaking her violently, then holding her as she slowed her breathing and tried to not shed tears. They talked about it, of course they did, and it helped some, but in the end it was a struggle Raven would have to work through herself, she knew.

It wasn’t her fault.

It wasn’t her fault.

She couldn’t save everyone. That was illogical and impossible.

_It wasn’t her fault._

She had made the call to the Maya’s dad, told him that his daughter wouldn’t be returning from Christmas break—that she wouldn’t be returning at all. She’d made that call, she’d broken that man’s heart, and there was nothing she could do to make it right.

Being a firefighter broke people. In her time at House 31 she’d seen the toughest of the tough fall to their knees and break because of that they’d been through and the lives they couldn’t save and the horrors they had seen. She always thought she was stronger than that, that she could push the emotions away, but she had been wrong.

 

* * *

   
“So who’s kissing me when it’s twelve?” Murphy asked as he waltzed into the large room with bags of food on his arms. He walked around to the kitchen counter and placed them down, looking around the room with raised eyebrows and an expectant expression.

“Nope.” Miller muttered, and the left the room before Murphy could argue.

“Not happening, dude.” Jasper laughed, then followed after Miller.

“Rude.” The pale man gasped in dramatic shock and offense.

Raven rolled her eyes, continued flipping through the TV channels. “Your girlfriend if you’re lucky.”

“She works all night.” He pointed out disappointedly. Like everyone in the House, she had a demanding job; she was an ER surgeon at Chicago General, the number one hospital in the state (quite possibly the country), and tonight was New Year’s Eve, so she would be swamped like the rest of them.

The dark haired woman shrugged, popped a carrot in her mouth. “Then I guess you’re shit out of luck.”

“Oh, come on,” Suddenly he jumped over the back of the couch and planted himself across from her, his feet on her hip. She gave him a glare and he just smirked and wiggled his brows suggestively. “You know you want all this.”

Raven scoffed, kicked him in the side. “I’d rather kiss Commissioner Kane.”

The brunet man scrunched up his nose. “But he’s old.”

“Murphy!” Lexa shouted as she entered the room from the back door located in the kitchen part of the large area. He sat up and looked at her from the couch. “Get your ass up and help me cook.” She demanded and began unpacking all the food he had lugged in.

“I’m—“

_“Truck 31, Squad 4, Ambulance 61, hotel fire at 31st and Greenway.”_

The female’s voice they knew all too well echoed through the nearly empty room, resonating all over the firehouse. Before she was done the three of them had jumped into action; they ran outside and swiftly and effortlessly layered on their gear, then hauled themselves up in Truck 31 with the rest of their crew. Lincoln, their Captain, jumped up into the passenger seat and Miller flicked on the sirens, put the large beast into drive, and headed towards their destination.

“Guess that kiss will have to wait.” Murphy muttered, nudging Raven in the shoulder.

She sighed, jabbed him in the ribs. “If I’m kissing anyone it’s gonna be your girlfriend.” She joked.

“Don’t let Octavia hear you say that.” Miller teased from the driver’s seat.

Raven shrugged, fiddled with her helmet strings. “She’d join in.”

“As long as I can watch.” Murphy said.

“Fuck you, Murphy.” The dark skinned woman hissed playfully, smacking his arm. He grinned down at her, then put on a serious mask as the fire truck rolled to a stop.

“Alright guys, let’s go.” Lincoln mumbled, then they all hopped down out of the rig and stared in shock and awe, their eyes wide and their jaws slack, at the mess that was waiting for them.

The fire was wild, consuming the top five floors of the building already. People were screaming all around them. The left side of the building was missing, a gaping hole in its place, fire lapping out of it in a deadly rage. Some people were on the side of the road, covered in soot, tears smudging the ash on their faces, clothes holey and hair singed, but alive. Others had gathered a few feet away, watching helplessly as the outrageous fire continued to eat the building and lighting up the cold night. The flames reached towards the sky, desperate to burn anything it could reach. The smoke carried through the wind, intoxicating anyone it came in contact with.

And the firefighters just stood there, frozen, watching as it burned on, desperate to move but terrified to do so. They knew fires, they fought against them constantly, daily, it was what they lived for, but still, huge disasters like that, it rocked them to the core.

“Alright, let’s go!” Anya, their Chief boomed as she joined them. “Woods,” She turned to Lexa. “You and Jordan keep those people back.” Lexa and Jasper nodded, then jogged over to where the audience had gathered and began motioning for them to move farther back. “Lincoln, you and your team knock out those windows then Indra, you and Squad go in first, make sure it’s safe. Let’s move, people!” She commanded.

Raven and Miller went on the right side of the building, checked to make sure that everything was secure, and then knocked out the windows so that the smoke could escape. Once all the windows were open, Indra led Squad 4 inside. Raven bounced from side to side, waiting impatiently for them to get the all clear so that they could go in.

“Hey,” A soft voice sounded from beside her. Raven shifted her eyes, saw her girlfriend, the Paramedic in Charge, Octavia standing beside her, eyes glued to the fire. “You okay?” She questioned, her voice concerned.

Raven gave a little nod, shook her head, nodded again. “Yes. I will be. It doesn’t matter.”

The long haired woman reached for Raven’s hand, gave it a little squeeze. “It matters. If you’re not—“

“I am.” She urged sternly.

“I know. But if you’re _not_. It’s okay. _It’s okay._ ” Octavia stressed the words, needed for Raven to understand that sometimes, sometimes it was okay to break, that holding it in all the time wasn’t healthy, that breaking and needing time off was normal.

Raven turned to her then, gave a small smile and squeezed her girlfriend’s hand back. “Babe, I’ll be okay.” Though her voice was strained and her smile was tightly forced.

A crease formed between the tan woman’s brows. She stared at the older woman, studying her fake assurance. She bit her lip, gave in, sighed, “Fine, but if you need me—“

“It’s all clear, let’s go!” Lincoln shouted from the doorway of the burning hotel.

Raven pecked her girlfriend on the cheek and then sprinted towards the building. “I’ll be good!” She shouted to Octavia just as she entered the death trap.

The first floor was all smoke, as were the other lower floors. It was when they branched off and started going on the upper floors that things got tricky. Raven and Murphy took the seventh floor while the others continued to climb the unsteady stairs.

“You take right, I take left.” Murphy said. Raven nodded and then headed down her designated hallway, kicking down each door, saying the usual mantra ‘fire department, call out’ though she got no response. She saw a lump on the bed of the fourth door she knocked down. She ran in, careful to not step on any fragile spots on the floor, minding the flames that grew closer from the other side of the room.

“Fire department, ma’am,” Her voice fell short when she turned the woman on her back and saw that the whole front side of her face had been burned off, leaving nothing but bright red tissue and stark white bone. Raven shut her eyes, took a shaky breath, and then turned and exited the room.

Four more doors to go.

She kicked down the first door, and there was nothing. Then the second door, and a woman asleep in on the small recliner in front of the TV, only she wasn’t asleep, she was dead. Raven assumed she suffocated on the smoke in her sleep. Third door and there was a little boy curled up in the closet, unmoving, paling, his blonde hair nearly burned off. She clenched her jaw to keep from screaming. She left that room, her heart shattering. Fourth door and a woman cried out to her once she entered. She was near the open window, trying to suck in as much fresh air as she could.

“Ma’am, I got you. Hold on to me. I got you.” Raven took off her mask, carefully slipped it over the woman’s face, and tried to gently shift her on her to back. She was covered in burns, so no matter how mindful Raven was with her hands, moving the woman was going to hurt. They made it back out into the hallway, where Murphy was also exiting his final room. Empty handed.

“One?” He shouted. Raven nodded and then they headed back down the stairs. “Lincoln, Reyes and I are coming down with a survivor. Have the medics ready.” The man said into his radio.

“Got it. Be careful coming down; the stairs are caving.” Their Captain warned, his voice cutting in and out. They continued on cautiously and swiftly. The stairs were unsteady but functional as they descended to the ground floor, where they ran from the building just as the fire exploded through the bottom floor. Murphy took the victim to the ambulance and Raven turned back to the hotel, eyes wide and panting. There were more victims in there, she knew. Live victims, but there was no way they’d be able to go back in there with the fire as wild as it was. There was a limit—and when fires reached that limit that was it.

“No one goes back in.” Anya said lowly, looking up at the half gone building and the bright orange and red monster that had demolished it.

“Got it Chief.” Lincoln and Indra said.

Raven turned, ready to go check on the woman she pulled out of the room, but stopped when she heard a shrill cry from above. “Help! Help me! Someone—please, help me!” Her heart stopped. She spun around and saw a young girl, no less than sixteen, standing on the ledge of the tenth floor window. “Help me!” She begged. Her mind rewound itself back to Christmas, to Maya under the train, to the girl she couldn’t save.

“Miller, Raven, get the ladder!” But they were already two steps ahead of their Captain. Raven got on the ladder while Miller managed the controls to extend it.

“Hold on!” She called to the girl. “Just—just hold on. I’m coming.” _Slow and steady._ She thought impatiently. This girl she could save—this girl would be okay.

“I can’t—I can’t—it’s too hot. I can’t—“ She looked from the ground to Raven several times, and the older woman’s heart sank into her stomach. Then the girl extended a foot. “I’m sorry—I can’t!”

“ _Don’t!_ ” Raven shouted hoarsely, her eyes wide and pleading with the girl. She looked at her from the ledge of the window, her face warping from terrified to calm. The ladder was so close, so close, just a few feet farther, she could make it. _She could make it._

Then teenager gave Raven a small smile, let go on the window, and fell forward.

“ _No!_ ” Raven’s voice was desperate and choked as she lurched towards her but the woman knew her efforts would be useless.

The girl smacked onto the concrete with a loud, wet crack. No one screamed. No one said a goddamn thing. There was only silence. Raven knelt on the ladder as it began to pull back in towards the truck. She tightened her grip on the metal, bit her tongue to keep from screaming, squeezed her eyes to keep the tears at bay.

It wasn’t fair.

She was coming.

She was _coming._

_It wasn’t fair._

 

* * *

 

  
The woman road in silence back to the firehouse. Once inside, she stripped of her gear and headed straight for the shower. She let the boiling water wash over her as if it could clean away all the losses of the day.

_Harper, the woman with the burned face._

She punched the tile wall, her knuckles cracking on impact.

_Monroe, the woman who had suffocated to death._

Two punches and her knuckles were rubbing raw.

_Sterling, the little boy hiding in the closet, suffocated._

Crack, crack, crack, crack, her knuckles were numb and blood washed off the white tiled wall.

_Roma, the woman who made it out but died in the hospital due to intense burns._

She held her hands close to her chest, leaned her forehead against the wall, breathed deeply and steadily, tried to calm the rage in her heart.

_Mel, the teenage girl who had jumped._

They were all added to the list of faces and names that would haunt Raven until the end of her days, and the list was ever growing.

People had survived, too, but Raven didn’t know their names. She supposed she did this to herself, obsessed too much over the losses and not nearly enough over the wins. She’d tried, but all the death just took a hold of her in a vice grip and refused to let go. She supposed with a mindset like she had she never should have become a firefighter, but she wanted to _help_ people, she wanted to _save lives._

She tightened her jaw, gritted her teeth so hard she was sure they would break at any moment. _Never enough. It’s never enough._ She thought, banging her head a little on the wall. _Work through it, Reyes, don’t let it control you. Don’t let it break you._

She jumped a little, startled out of her dangerous thoughts, when small hands wrapped around her torso, and a bare stomach pressed against her naked back. Raven placed her aching hands over Octavia’s, held them tightly. The other woman rested her chin on her girlfriend’s shoulder, kissed right behind her ear.

“Happy New Year.” She said unenthusiastically.

“Yeah…Happy New Year.” Raven replied bitterly, then turned in Octavia’s arms so that their fronts were pressed together and held the slender woman as close as possible as the water continued to rain over them.

**Author's Note:**

> I guess I just love writing sad au's. Oops.


End file.
